free Spirited mama

The Art of Doing Things Badly

It was my intention to post at least three blog articles each week when I started this blog. And even before I began, I researched the best way to launch a blog and spent hours writing down ideas about how to structure free Spirited mama.  Most of the successful pro bloggers out there say to have at least 20-30 blog articles built up before launching, to get the best blog design possible, and to offer free downloadable PDF's or e-books for readers.  I had big plans. 

It's not that I won't continue to move in this direction. No.  It's just that I know me, and after researching "the best way" to start a blog I realized I would never start this thing if I didn't just let go of the rules and begin.  So I did.  I started one random day without any backlog of articles.  I just started in the middle of a busy week and have continued to post when I have the inspiration and the time do it. 

I still have big plans. Yes, I do. But I know that this space will unfold in it's own perfect time.

Speaking of Making Your Creative Dreams Real, while pondering the subject of this post I opened this book of SARK's to a random page for inspiration.  My finger landed smack dab on page 174 where it says, "Doing More Things Badly." As soon as I read these words, my body softened and I was able to sink into the "okayness" that I am not the perfect blogger.  In fact sometimes, I am a bad blogger.

SARK goes on to say, "Many of us procrastinators rehearse something new in our minds so often that we completely drain ourselves of energy to begin it at all. Many of us perfectionists don't try at all until it can be 'done right'."

Yes. In order for me to start this blog at all, I had to give myself permission to do it badly.  It may not be one of the top-ranked blogs on the Internet, but it's here.  And hooray for that!

What can you do badly just so that you can begin?

Feeding Mama: Asking For Help

Feeding Mama is a weekly column where I share one step I took toward feeding my soul this week.  I've made the commitment to put self-care back on my list.  Each week I also extend the invitation to you to join me in doing one thing just for you.

Every mom I talk to recently says she feels pulled in so many different directions--unable to give each separate task the full attention it deserves.  It' no secret that the modern mother has many hats to wear.  Every mom--from stay-at-home moms to work-from-home moms to work-outside-the-home moms--all have A LOT on their plates.

If I've learned one thing on this mothering journey so far, it's that I can't do this alone.  I am very fortunate to have a super supportive husband who gets right in the mix to help take care of our son, household tasks, or anything else that needs to be done.  Yes, this is truly a blessing.  And...with all that we want to do in our lives (as a family and as individuals) it still feels overwhelming for just two people to manage. 

With that said, I have to admit that I'm horrible at asking for help--not to mention that I've had a hard time leaving my son with babysitters. This has resulted in very few moments to myself, even fewer date nights with my husband and a sporadic creativity/work schedule.

But I realized that I couldn't have it both ways.

In order for me to feel recharged, connected to my husband and give myself the space and time I deserve to write and work on creative pursuits--I needed help.  And I found it.  My act of self-care this week was setting up a regular schedule with a trusted babysitter (whom I truly love and trust) each week.  She's also agreed to come a couple of weekend nights each month so that my husband and I can have regular date nights again.

I realize this isn't rocket science and that many women have done this before me.  But for those who've struggled too with finding a rhythm or a schedule--this has truly helped me with that.  Just knowing that certain blocks of time are carved out for my work and personal time helps me to organize and relax about the rest of the week--allowing me to be more present with my child.

For me, in order to really follow through and gift myself this time each week, I had to let go of the belief that I can do it all by myself.  I am only one person and it's true: it does take a village to raise a child. It takes a village to live a life.

What do you need help with right now?  Where in your life do you feel comfortable (or uncomfortable) receiving the help of others? Are you ready to act on that?

Building a Container for Creativity

Bamboo at Marymoor Park, August 2009.  

In my post about balance and how that word triggers my inner perfectionist, I mentioned that truly feeling balanced has nothing to do with time or time management. Meaning that balance (or really just feeling at ease in my life) stems more from my inner feeling state rather than how I manage my outer world. And it's true, mostly.

But after thinking more about that statement I made, I don't think I can make such a black-and-white claim.  

Part of feeling at ease with my life means adhering to some sort of structure or routine--finding a daily rhythm that can hold me. Otherwise, the days begin to mush together and nothing gets done. The pressure of external deadlines (or lifelines, as I lovingly like to call them because they really are my salvation after all) somehow help contain my creativity and keep me moving forward--even when things aren't perfect.  Deadlines/lifelines keep my perfectionism in check by limiting the amount of time I have to tinker with whatever I'm working on--and to just let it go. 

But I won't lie, maintaining a schedule/structure/daily routine on my own is not easy for me--especially with a child. It is something I'm constantly monitoring and working on. I've taken hints from other mamas who seem to have more of a handle on structuring the days. Like Simple Mom's Daily Docket and Menu Planning Suggestions, Writer Mama's suggestions for finding rhythm with writing, and Heather's simple suggestions for making grocery shopping just a bit easier and more organized.  

It's sustaining these routines that are my daily challenge. So instead of fighting a schedule, I've come to see them more like my spiritual practice--a meditation of sorts--and my commitment to being present with my true priorities.        

Feeding Mama: My Sister, Margaritas, and Key Lime Pie

A love sandwich. My sister (on left), my son (on right) and me (in the middle).  August 2009

Feeding Mama is a weekly column where I'll share with you one step I took toward feeding my soul this week.  No matter how small my effort, I make the commitment to make self-care a priority.  Each week I'll also extend the invitation to you to join me in doing at least one thing just for you.

It's been an awesome week. My sweet sister, Marie, was in town and we had such a good time together. With Marie here, self-care was easy this week. Having two extra hands to help made life go a little more smoothly; freeing me up to take care of a few nagging loose ends I never seem to finish.

Having a sister that is so easy to be around, so easy to talk to and who just gets me is something I am grateful for everyday. There was so much about our week together that recharged my mama battery, but it was our "girls night out" that I'll treasure most of all. We sat outside in the warm evening air sipping margaritas and spilling our hearts like we always do. But at some point in our conversation, we realized it had been years since just the two of us had gone out alone. And for a moment we both sat in silence and savored the precious time--just us sisters.

And on a yummy side note, we also managed to make a very delicious dessert together: Key Lime Pie. When I make desserts I typically go for chocolate, but this was outstanding--a perfect summer treat. The recipe (found at the Reluctant Gourmet) was very simple to make. Enjoy!

Ingredients

1/2 cup fresh lime juice 
4 teaspoons grated lime zest
4 egg yolks
1 - 14 ounce can sweetened condensed milk
11 graham crackers
3 tablespoons granulated sugar
5 tablespoons unsalted butter, melted

Whisk the egg yolks and lime zest together in a bowl until tinted light green. Beat in milk, then juice and set aside at room temperature till it thickens. Preheat oven to 325 degrees. Mix graham cracker crumbs and sugar in another bowl. Add butter and stir with a fork until well blended. Pour this mixture into a 9-inch pie pan and press over the bottom and up the sides of the pan. Try using the bottom of a measuring cup to make sure the graham cracker mixture forms a firm crust on the bottom of the pie pan.

Bake on the center rack for about 15 minutes until the crust is lightly brown, remove and let cool to room temperature. Pour the lime filling into crust, spread evenly, and then bake for 15 minutes until the center sets, but still wiggles when shaken. Remove from oven and cool to room temperature. Refrigerate for at least three hours until well chilled.  

Meaning Everywhere: My Dance with Dragonfly

So the other day while I was on my joyride, I couldn't help but notice the incredible number of dragonflies that followed me on the trail.  They were in all colors: red, blue, black & white and purple.  

Sometimes it's easy to brush aside the sighting of an animal as "coincidence" or just not think anything of it at all.  But on this day, the dragonflies rallied around me.  I felt like I had my own tribe of dragonfly-escorts guiding me down the bike trail.  

And then I saw them: two giant purple dragonflies.  They were sculptures mounted to the entrance of a small footbridge nearby. I have ridden on this trail countless times before, passing by this bridge and before this day, I have never noticed the giant dragonfly sculptures.  It was obvious that Dragonfly had a message for me today. 

Many native traditions say that each animal carries a unique healing quality or message for us. It is said that interactions with and dreams about particular animals give us an opportunity to embrace the lesson the animal has to bestow upon us.

When a specific animal grabs my attention I reach for one my books on animal symbolism or do a quick search on the Internet to find out more about the qualities of that creature and what it has to offer. Considering that dragonflies are ubiquitous in the summer months, I thought the lessons may have meaning for you as well. 

By many sources, the Dragonflies are said to be the "keeper of dreams" and encounters with them can symbolize a readiness to shed old beliefs that keep us from realizing our dreams. Lately, this has been at the forefront of my awareness.  After having a child, I have become more conscious of the dreams I have yet to realize. Something about becomeing a mother has helped me to face the impermanence of this life. It goes so fast. I no longer have the luxury of time, which has challenged me to remain more present in the moment--ready to step into action toward creating my dreams when the moment allows. Interesting timing too, since I just signed up for Andrea Scher and Jen Lemen's Mondo Beyondo ecourse on "dreaming big".  

A sighting of Dragonfly can also indicate the need to break free from illusions, begging us to embrace the reality of where we truly are now.  My desire to want to do it all versus the reality that I am only one person is in constant battle.  I know that I can realize my dreams, but must surrender into the reality of my life at this moment.  Remembering that with a small child to care for, doing it all takes lots of help, time, patience, and devotion. But at the same time, as a free-spirited mama (aka creative dreamer and questioner of the status quo) I can break free from the collective illusions that being a mother means a life without passion.

Speaking of passion, Dragonfly asks us to live a more "colorful" life--either in the literal or symbolic sense.  However you interpret this, color can be the medium through which we express our passion for life. Paint, photography, dress, food--you name it--these are all ways we show our "true colors".

What does Dragonfly say to you?  What old beliefs and illusions are you ready to shed? In what ways are you willing to add more color into your life?

Feeding Mama: Bike Love

Feeding Mama is a weekly column where I'll share with you one step I took toward feeding my soul this week.  No matter how small my effort, I make the commitment to make self-care a priority.  Each week I'll also extend the invitation to you to join me in doing at least one thing just for you.

I want to share with you one of my most favorite ways of taking time for me, getting fresh air, and even a little exercise.  Enter: the beach cruiser--riding it is so much fun. I can't pedal without smiling. It’s an activity that doesn’t feel like exercise—akin to dancing for me. My bike is all decked out with a Dorothy-style basket hooked to the front—the perfect place for my camera, water bottle, and journal.  When I'm feeling the need, I hop on my bike, head just 1 block over and I’m on one of the nicest (and longest) urban bike trails in the country!  I don’t do hills—so this is a godsend for me.

So please enjoy this short clip of my two-wheeled adventure!  I hope it inspires you to get out, move a little and take in the scenery wherever you are. And as a side note, I have to say "thank you" to my sweet husband for gently nudging me out the door.  Sometimes all we need is a little encouragement and away we go!

Tell me what you did to feed mama this week.

The Balance Myth

For a long time, I aspired to live a perfectly balanced life.  One with just the right amount of work, play and social time.  With just the right amount of exercise, travel and success. I would be in a constant state of Zen, flowing from one event to the next. 

Then I became a mother.

Motherhood, with all its messy moments, time-warps, disdain of modesty and demand for humility; leaves no room for perfection or balance.  Instead, motherhood asks us to surrender to life's imperfections, to see the beauty in night-time feedings, and the joy in mundane daily routines.

Balance, and the idea of achieving this as a life goal, ignites my inner-perfectionist.  It hooks that part of me that wants everything in life to be neat and tidy--for everything to have its perfect place.   And when perfectionism is in the mix, my wild, free-spirited self is no longer at the helm.  Instead, I find myself in a constant state of disappointment with myself and with life in general.

Someone told me once that with motherhood the days are long, but the years are short.  I think that is so true, don't you?  Time with our children is something we'll never get back.  But for me, I'm starting to see that "balance" has nothing really to do with time or time management at all.  I think in order to feel more at ease with the hustle and bustle of life, I have to focus on practicing "being present" and accepting what is--even when it's not my preference. As well as taking good care of myself--which usually leads to feeling more connected to my authentic self and my intuition, which then leads to making more aligned choices leaving me to feel more at ease in life. 

In short, feeling "balanced" seems less about trying to control outside circumstances and more about connecting to my inner knowing-ness. And less about trying to "do it all" and more about deciding what my real priorities are in life.  

What makes you feel more at ease and balanced with the busyness of life?

Dear fellow free-spirited mamas,

Hello and welcome!  It's so nice to have you here. 

I've been dreaming of this online space for quite some time now, and for this blog to truly come alive is almost unbelievable to me.  Similar to waiting for the baby to come--imagining your baby's face and longing to finally become a mother--it's hard to believe I am really here writing to you after many months of preparation and mindful waiting.  The blog has been birthed! :)

For years before bringing my son into the world, I worked on learning how to mother myself. Most of this personal growth work helped me to redefine and rewire tired-out family patterns that dominated my life. I made the decision in my early 20's that before having children of my own, these patterns would stop with me. Period.  I can look back now and say I was successful in doing this!  Without going into all of the details, I can assure you that my children will have a very different childhood than I experienced! Yes!

Now that my son is here, I have a new challenge. I'm asking the question: as mothers, how do we continue to mother ourselves, find time and energy for personal growth, and revel in our own creative passions?  How do we do all of this and still offer our children our undivided presence?

I have not found the magic formula yet.

So instead, I decided to start this blog.  I know there are mothers out there who are doing these things. Albeit in a deliciously imperfect and messy way--but they are doing it nonetheless. I don't know about you, but I'm not looking to be the "perfect" mom (that only gets me into trouble). Ultimately, I want to be a strong female role-model for my children.  I want to model to them the importance of self-care, self-love, creative expression and personal growth.  

It is my hope to bring to you the stories of women who are successfully riding the waves of creativity and self-care in the midst of motherhood. The women who are staying true to their wild, authentic selves.  It is my hope that these women can help inspire and encourage other mothers who need just that: inspiration and encouragement.

What you'll find in addition to these tales of creativity and motherhood, is an ongoing discussion and exploration about how we can all find our own unique rhythm as a mother and innately creative being. the details are different for every free-spirited mama, yet we all have something to learn from one another.  I hope you'll join the discussion and enjoy the ride.